Sunday blog: When it comes to the NFL, it’s ‘Thank You, Sir. May I have another.’

January 14, 2024 Cueball

By Tracy McCue, Sumner Newscow — Ah, the NFL. If I didn’t like the product so much, I would despise it.

The multi-billion dollar industry is truly an evil monopolistic monarchy that preys on its peasants.

And, we, the peasants, are like that Kevin Bacon character on Animal House, Chip Diller: “Thank You, Sir. May I have another.”

If the NFL decided to host a game in space, we would, of course, build ourselves a rocket so we could go to watch a bad football game with lousy officiating. If there was a game underwater, we would learn to scuba dive. If the NFL told us to trade our house for two tickets on the 50-yard line, we would start living the high life in tents.

How else do you describe Saturday night’s Kansas City Chiefs game? Not only does the NFL host a football game in weather so frigid icicles were falling off Andy Reid’s mustache and Patrick Mahome’s helmet was exploding, but they were able to extract $6 from us home-dwellers to pay for a streaming service we never knew existed.

And, yet, we smile and say, “Thank You, Sir. May I have another.”

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Was this what the original NFL owners were envisioning when the league was formed? Hey, let’s create this game where 11 grown men maim 11 other grown men. Let’s make them play in -10-degree weather in some town like Kansas City, where we charge people over $500 a ticket for suites that serve cocktails.”

On the ticket-swapping website Stubhub, the prices were plunging. By Friday, you could get a ticket in the upper seats at Arrowhead Stadium for as little as $25. I don’t think tickets were going that cheap since Bill Kenney was the Chiefs’ quarterback, and people were wearing bell bottoms to watch really bad football.

I know a few of you drove up there and had a swell time. I watched it from the comfort of my living room. It was 70 degrees with the windchill at 69.5 – unless I passed gas, then it went up a couple of degrees.

Want to go?

I don’t care if John Elway, and whoever he is married to these days, drove me up in his Mercedes to watch the Broncos; I’m not watching a game in negative zero-degree weather unless I’m getting paid for it.

And to all those fans on social media questioning people about their dedication, let me ask you this. Is the ownership dedicated to making your NFL experience a good one?

I guess I should not look at this too cynically. The Chiefs were chosen to play on a primetime Saturday night and the first-ever streaming service playoff game for a reason. They have become the “It” franchise of the moment – considering they have Patrick Mahomes, a couple of Super Bowl Championships, and the attention of goddess Taylor Swift. I’m not into conspiracies, but the NFL would greatly benefit from seeing the Chiefs back in the Super Bowl.

I remember when I saw that an NFL playoff game would be streamed back in October. I said they would be slotted for that game if the Chiefs don’t get the bye. They needed as many subscribers as possible to justify throwing the game on a streaming service that is paying billions of dollars to do it. Who cares if it is in Kansas City, where we have this silly thing called cold in the middle of January?

Personally, Saturday’s football game didn’t cost me any more money because I was subscribed to Peacock anyway. It is one of the 100 streaming services on my AppleTV because my adult children need to watch the coolest shows from their apartments someplace else.

But despite all my bellyaching, there really isn’t anything we can do. I don’t believe personal boycotts work (see here), and the NFL is going to do what it wants anyway. I’ve said this long ago. At my age, I’m not denying myself watching football.

Next April, Jackson County, Missouri voters will be asked to approve a 3/8th-cent sales tax for renovations at the Chiefs and Royals Stadium. It will pass. Because all the NFL has to do is threaten to move either franchise to Kansas or downtown.

There is a rumor that the Super Bowl will soon be pay-per-view. If I was going to place a bet — and oh, the NFL will let me do so — I’m thinking it is going to happen.