Commentary by Tracy McCue, Sumner Newscow — College football stinks these days.

I know I’m fully embracing an “old man yelling at the clouds” approach to this argument. But I remember when College Footbll was wrapped up with the big bowls on New Year’s Day, except the Sugar Bowl, played on New Year’s Eve.

The Sugar Bowl always pitted the Southeast Champion against Notre Dame in New Orleans. What could be more fun than Baptists and Catholics beating one another up?

Then, the next day, we would wake up to a new year and watch the Cotton Bowl that featured the defunct Southwest Conference Champion. The Southwest had nothing but Texas schools and people who wore boots.

By the afternoon, things were cooking at the McCue household when the Rose Bowl came on, pitting the Big 10 and Pac 10 champions. I loved watching Woody Hayes, who was the most anti-social coach in the history of the sport. He lost his job because he actually hit an opposing player who made an interception. Can you imagine if that happened in today’s social media era?

This picture was taken when Tom Osborne was 25.

Then, because I haven’t bored you enough, we had the Orange Bowl with the Big Eight Champion – usually Nebraska and Oklahoma – playing someone like the University of Miami. I remember Tom Osborne on the sidelines looking like he was 112 even back then.

It was a great moment to be alive if you were into that kind of stuff.

But College Football – once the greatest of sports – has been ruined.

There is no reason to watch the newest version of Ohio State, with that former K-State quarterback, play Texas, who has another one of those multitalented Manning boys. Oh, I’ll watch because there is nothing to see on the 500 other channels or read on that Facebook Sumner County Sassy Pants page except that the McDonald’s Drive-Thru can’t get its stuff together.

I said I wanted the burger with catsup, not cats**t.

I used to be able to name every team in every conference. Now, it’s a jumbled mess. Texas is in the Southeast Conference, while Oregon is in the Big 10. Central Florida, wherever the hell that is – is playing Kansas State every year in the new-fangled Big 12 stretched over four different time zones. Arizona State was playing Iowa State for the Big 12 Championship. How am I supposed to care?

Back in the day — excuse me for a second while I cough up some phlegm — you could hate-watch college football because you knew who you were hating. I always hated Barry Switzer’s Oklahoma Sooners and took great joy cheering against them on the old McCue color television we had to kick to get the picture back.

Barry Switzer (or is it Winston Churchill) on the old McCue set.

Then there was the territorial thing. I would cheer for the Big Eight – unless it was Oklahoma – because we were God-fearing Midwestern people, and dammit, we weren’t losing to those Pac 8 Commies on the west coast.

But you can’t do that anymore. Stanford is in the ACC – that stands for the Atlantic Coast Conference. We all know Stanford, in California, is next to the Atlantic Ocean. Oh, wait.

Geography, people. Why is this so difficult?

I remember — cough, cough, gag —in the 1990s, you had a bunch of people running around Wellington in Nebraska gear. Why? Nebraska was K-State’s chief rival, and people who hated the Cats loved the Cornhuskers because Osborne’s troops were always in the way of K-State getting any kind of glory.

Nebraska has now been in the Big 10 for almost 15 years… 15 years! Unless you run into Wellington head girls basketball coach Eric Adams, you can’t find a Nebraska sweatshirt anywhere.

The higher-ups have ruined rivalries. Nebraska no longer plays K-State or Oklahoma. For years, Texas never played Texas A&A after the Aggies flew the Big 12 coop for the Southeast Conference. But now they are playing again because Texas did the same thing. Oregon doesn’t play Oregon State, and Kansas doesn’t play Missouri. It is all just stupid.

And now we have these playoffs where I was supposed to get excited about Boise State playing Penn State on New Year’s Eve. Not that I can name a player on either team because they might transfer at halftime.

Pinheads ruin everything chasing the almighty dollar. There’s this NIL, then there’s a transfer portal, then there’s conference realignment, and whatever new rule (or lack of rule) is coming down the pike.

College Football only survives because it’s still a great place to watch a Saturday afternoon game on a campus filled with bright colors, great weather, drunken students, great-looking cheerleaders, dynamic bands, and a gathering place for all those who just want to have a good time.

Now, excuse me while I gulp down some Megamusil. Whatever that is.